Liberated Belonging

September 3, 2015

IMAG1288-1As human beings we come into this world with the cellular need to belong. One of the “rules” in Systemic Constellation work is that in a family everyone has the right to belong. A great deal of personal Constellation work involves who in a family was excluded and how a price has been paid personally or throughout the family for that exclusion.

In the workplace or other social group situation everyone does not have the right to belong and belonging can be a choice….sometimes. But just like in families who is excluded can have consequences and so too there can be a price to be paid in order to continue being included.

In this time of changing paradigms and the blurring of lines we still form and join various groups or organizations. How does a group honor those who came before and at the same time continue to grow and remain relevant without requiring its members to fit into the old paradigm?

One of these groups is the LGBTQ community. As part of the 2015 US Systemic Constellation Conference I will be presenting a workshop titled “The LGBTQ Community – Marriage, Money, Sex, Death and Taxes… Constellations for a New Paradigm”.

The Conference theme “Embracing Our Roots, Standing in Our Strength” encompasses the wide scope of our current historical vantage point. defines a generation as being about 25 years. The Stonewall Riots happened nearly 50 years ago; the height of the AIDS epidemic 25 years ago; the Supreme Court legalized same sex marriage this year. Old definitions of sexuality and gender are being reevaluated, changed, discarded and argued. These events, past and present, shape and inform the modern generational history within the LGBTQ community.

The soul themes of acceptance and belonging are very much alive as we look at history in relation to current events. This new paradigm has brought us to the edge of an empty space. A generation gap is creating the space for a new story.

On one side are all of those whose history has been primarily defined by fear, silence or fighting for change, pushing against the what was. On the other side of this space is a younger generation who no longer face the same issues while continuing to push the boundaries of traditional markers of identification.

This opening is important to acknowledge. We must see it as a place to acknowledge an important shift has occurred rather than rushing to fill it with the older version of reality.

Joy and sorrow may go hand in hand at this time for those whose loves and losses were largely unacknowledged for the majority of their lives. They are the ones who spent decades fighting for the changes that resulted in this new paradigm.

For the ones who  will live the majority of their lives on the other side of this space there is a need to honor the people whose actions brought about the change. However, it is not a requirement to carry their burdens.

We know within any community there are the unwritten codes; the “shoulds” and “shouldn’ts”, what will be remembered and what must not be spoken of. When a community defines itself as “fighting for…” then how does it make the soul shift into accepting with honor and gratitude? How does it allow for the internal changes of perception that will happen within the individual members of the community?

Integration, understanding and respect for the 21st century paradigm of inclusive and liberated belonging is the future of this moment.